June 19th, 2017
I’ve always been somewhat of a loner when it comes to emotions and deeply connecting with others – getting into the underbelly of who we really are. In the last few years that has changed SO much. I deeply crave the genuine truth of people. The quirks. The tears. The stories. The feelings. The dreams. The fears.
I am so appreciative to my partner that has from day one allowed me to be myself and be heard and supported. One of the first things he ever said to me was, “don’t be afraid to take up space.” Little did I know, I was very afraid. His acceptance and unwavering kindness has allowed me to put some long standing walls down and further accept my true being.
Now, further truth be told: I have social anxiety. I make weird jokes and say awkward things as a defense mechanism because in most situations I am extremely uncomfortable. There are lots of days where it keeps me in the house wishing I was out and about with friends and going to fun events. But with my guards up and my often inability to commit to plans because I don’t know if I’ll be up for it when it happens, I have deterred people away. I have pushed myself constantly to overcome this and teaching yoga to complete strangers has helped greatly. But I want to take it further.
Can you be patient with me as I overcome my flakiness? Can you text me your hopes and fears in the middle of the night? I actually care to hear it and would love to let you vent. Maybe even offer advice if you need it. Can we go to those scary events together? The ones that look like so much fun? Can you lovingly push me to go anywhere with you? Because once I’m there we both know I’ll have a great time. Can I make you dinner at my home and we can sit in sweats and watch a funny movie? Can we try something new and be foreigners at something together? Can we go on hikes with my dog and contemplate our futures and how we can’t believe how quick time flies? Can you cry to me and let me be there for you? Would you let me support you and give you space to be heard? Can we be friends? 👫♥️👭